doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
