So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
