is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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