Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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