you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
