Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
