apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
