I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
