dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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