those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
