Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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