please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
