i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
