the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
