Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
