went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
