FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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