dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
