I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
