Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
