I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
