Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
