Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
