yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
