When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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