They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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