it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
