how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Your penis caused this!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
