Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
