Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
