she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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