I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
