he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
