My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
