Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
