Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
