My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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