tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
