the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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