Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
