I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I love you.
Bad choice
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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