Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
