somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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