Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
