wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
