He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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