Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
