worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I forget how to act sober
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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