the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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