I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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